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<title>i cherish thee (through the bond of our separation) by my_infinite_variety</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23880928">i cherish thee (through the bond of our separation)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_infinite_variety/pseuds/my_infinite_variety'>my_infinite_variety</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>tumblr prompts [21]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canonical Character Death, Established Relationship, Guilt, Internal Conflict, Katra, M/M, Married Couple, POV Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, Vulcan Bond, Vulcan Language</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 14:55:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>465</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23880928</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_infinite_variety/pseuds/my_infinite_variety</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>spock is in leonard's head, but his emotions and thoughts bleed over just as easily as his mannerisms.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>tumblr prompts [21]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689361</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i cherish thee (through the bond of our separation)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Prompt: TOS Spones with the prompts 11. beg, 40. soul, and 48. freedom please!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="">
  <p>Leonard stared into the darkness of his quarters, sitting on the edge of his and Spock’s shared bed on the <em>Enterprise</em>. He was alone, as alone as he could truly be with the soul of his husband squeezed into his head. The thought could have made him laugh if their entire situation didn’t make him want to scream.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I love you, Spock. You self-sacrificing bastard.” Leonard didn’t want to cry, didn’t want to break with his husbands hovering so close. Spock would never let him forget, even as a voice in his head. His lips, almost against his will, quirked into a twisted smile. The silver ring hanging from a chain around his neck was like a brand, burning against his skin. “My pointy-eared idiot. Always getting yourself into some kind of trouble.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It was silent in the emptiness of the room, but Leonard could feel how uncomfortable Spock felt in his head. He could feel the yearning and the affection, the pain and the sorrow.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>I will not remember this when you return me to where I truly belong, ashayam. </em>Spock sounded mournful, moreso than he’d been as he’d laid dying. Leonard wanted to reach for him, tell him everything was okay, but everything felt like it was spinning out of control. The doctor’s smile, already waning, faded completely.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Spock wasn’t wrong and Leonard knew it. He could feel the sorrow and trepidation like a pressure against his skull, pressing and consuming. Spock felt so much and kept so much in. It made Leonard’s jaw ache and his eyes burn.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Where do ya truly belong, Spock?” Leonard’s voice echoed in his quarters. “Here with us?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Leonard’s head was silent, but the sadness hovering in the midst of the silence deepened. He knew that Spock didn’t want to leave, remembered Spock pressing his fingertips to the glass separating them as he died. He remembered the crushing guilt, the emptiness where Spock had once been. He remembered the pain, the snap of a bond so ingrained in who he was that it was unthinkable to be without it. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>I belong to and with you, Leonard, as I always have, </em>Spock replied.<em> But the procedure you hope for is a dangerous one. You may never be yourself again, Leonard and I cannot allow that. </em>There was a pause. <em>Perhaps it is time for my </em>katra <em>to be freed and my body to be returned to the land.</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Don’t make me beg, darlin’. Please.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>I will not remember this conversation, Leonard. The choice is yours and yours alone. Taluhk nash-vah k’dular, no matter your choice.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Leonard pressed his face into his hands, his fingers sliding against the wetness on his cheeks. Spock’s presence surrounded him and Leonard, just for a moment, imagined his husband holding him once more.</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>don't forget to leave a comment and/or kudos!<br/>leave your own requests on my tumblr (myinfinitevariety.tumblr.com)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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